You Cannot Be Serious

00:01 You can't be serious, man. 00:03 You cannot be! 00:05 Now, this is part two, and I did want to mention during part one that I get a lot of my political information from Richard Wollstonecraft, who keeps me up to date. He's Dickie from MUFF, Melbourne Underground Film Festival, so I want to thank him for that. I can't speak to him. We have enough trouble just doing you and I a duck without trying to do two. 00:29 Well, given that you and MUFF are on the same page politically, aren't you? 00:36 Well, probably. 00:38 I don't think you'd have him on if he wasn't aligned with your beliefs. 00:41 No, no. You and Muffy are very aligned, I think. 00:57 No, that's not right about having people on who agree with me. We've asked, I've asked plenty of people who have an absolutely different opinion to me about politics. 01:06 No, I know that. They won't come on. 01:10 I'm not talking about the people that you've interviewed. I know that you're not a neo-Nazi and I don't think you're a racist, Sam, and I don't think you're a misogynist. I don't think any of those things. But you have strong opinions around those things and you have people on there. But someone that you have on regularly is Muffy, Dickie, Muff, and I've listened to him speak before and you do seem aligned in terms of politics. But given that I'm not into politics... given that I'm not into politics as much and or what's going on in the criminal world around whoever's doing what in the world of breaking crimes and being found guilty or not guilty. 01:54 That is not my cup of tea, but I do keep my eye on the footy and I do keep my eye on sport around the world, Sam. What did you think of the Commonwealth Games in the end? 02:09 Just if I can finish, just generally I agree with Dick from Muff, but I've asked plenty of people who don't agree with my philosophy or opinion on politics to be a regular on this show and they won't do it. So we don't shy away from people who disagree with us. Now, unfortunately... I'm on here and I disagree with things. LAUGHTER 02:38 Well, what do you disagree with? Dumb things I don't agree with. Well, no, actually, no, there are a lot of things that I agree with you about. I just don't worry about them like you do. No, that's right. 02:53 No, fair enough. 02:53 That's fair. 02:55 Now, I'm glad you brought up the Commonwealth Games because this was one of the disgraceful decisions of the former government led by Dan Andrews who we've gone through all that, who wasted our money and won an election on a false promise. Do you know that Lachlan Kennedy won the 100 metres in Edinburgh? 03:16 He is the fastest white man ever in the history of sprinting to win 100 metres. Did you know that? 03:28 I did know that, but why did you have to say that he was white? 03:32 A big pun? 03:34 Why did you have to say he was white? Why couldn't you just say he's the fastest man in Australian history? 03:40 No, I said he's the fastest white man in the world ever. Not Australia. 03:47 Well, yeah, you could have just said he's the fastest man in Australia. 03:54 No, Doug, you're missing my point. He is the fastest white sprinter in the world ever. In the world, not Australia. In the world. 04:04 Yes, no white man has run as quickly as he has ever in the history of running in the world. That's the point I was making. 04:22 Well, that's unbelievable, Sam. 04:27 I did know that he was definitely the fastest man ever in the NBA. 04:31 Well, he's the first person to break 10 seconds, wasn't he? And then to... Oh, that's him. Well, unbelievable. So he would make the finals. He would have made the finals in the Olympics, would he have not? 04:46 Bloody oath he would have. That was my point, Duck, about race or the colour of his skin. That was my only point because the black runners are just, you know, that's their domain. And, you know, we give huge credit and we pump up gout-gout. 05:05 This man has taken Gout Gout by the scruff of the neck and he seems to beat him every time but it's not sexy to pump up Lachlan Kennedy ahead of Gout Gout for some reason that we're giving other people a free ride, not a free ride but we just seem to just, we seem to just get into this stuff about oh isn't it great that Gout Gout's a You know, he's from another country and he's come over here and he's going to put us on the map. 05:36 Lachlan Kennedy has been fantastic. And the very fact that we couldn't watch it go to a stadium like the MCG and watch Lachlan Kennedy be the fastest white man ever in the world is a testament to the fact that the corrupt and dishonest government that Andrews led is a testimony to that, that we couldn't go and watch it. 06:01 No, I agree with that, Sam. And in saying that right now, there's another young man, I don't know how young he is, I think he's 23, 24, that also broke 10 seconds recently. So we have three guys that have all broken 10, which is quite around that time. We'd actually go all right in the 4x100 at the minute. 06:29 Well, we won that game. 06:32 We did. 06:33 We won that in Glasgow. The man that you're speaking about, the young man, where's he from? 06:40 Don't know, but he's considered Australian, so that's all I say. 06:46 Well, is he from another country or is he... 06:53 I don't know whether he was born in Australia or not, but he runs for Australia. Was he in the 4x1 at Glasgow? 07:02 I don't know who the name is. 07:04 Oh, neither do I. I don't know who you're talking about. All that I know, the only ones I've, Gaut Gaut and Kennedy are the two that I've read about more, but there was another guy that ran unbelievably well recently in the World Championships, and then I don't know whether he's ran in the Comm Games or not, but I know that Gaut Gaut got injured. 07:27 Yes, he did. You wouldn't have read a lot about Lachlan Kennedy. You would have read a lot more about Gout Gout for political reasons, and that's a fact. Now, Doug, I want to ask you this. 07:39 Is it possible... For Carlton, the beleaguered Carlton who couldn't win a game for two months, is it possible for them to make the final eight or indeed get into the final ten? And what getting into the ten, does that mean that you can actually keep going or is that an elimination thing between the two sides that finish ninth and tenth? 08:02 No, you can keep going, Sam. It's a wild card. It's basically a final 10 now. You don't get the week off. You'll play in that week where they have the bye before the finals, as will 9th and 10th, as will 7th and 8th. So there'll be two games that weekend and you will play off to see who goes through. I think that's how it's going to work. And then the winner of those two then the winner, the two winners, obviously, stay in, and then the fifth will play eighth, and then it comes down to that. 08:38 Do you understand what I'm saying? So that will be a buy for the top six, but it won't be a buy for the... Yeah, so that's how that works. That's why they're saying if you finish seventh or below, the chances of you winning the grand final are very, very, very slim because you would have to win four games. 08:59 Okay, so Carlton play in the last three games. They play St Kilda, the Western Bulldogs and Fremantle. They could conceivably get into the final ten and win a premiership this year, couldn't they? 09:14 Well, they could conceivably lose all three of those and they could win two of them. I don't think they'll win all three, but the chances of them winning from that position, Sam, are very, very, very, very slim. In saying that, what they've done has been quite remarkable. And Josh Frazier should be the Carlton coach next year. 09:39 No, he shouldn't be. If he doesn't want to be, he shouldn't be. 09:42 I know that, Doug. By the way, condolences to his family too. His father passed away during the week, I think it was his father. Yeah, and he went on to coach and win a game against the back-to-back premiers. Yeah, he will put his hand up and I think he'll be the next coach of Carlton. 10:04 So, Duck, I know it's very tough. I'm just saying, theoretically, Carlton could win the Premiership this year. 10:14 If they make the top ten, yes, they could. 10:17 Well, I'm suggesting to you that they play St Kilda, the Western Bulldogs and Fremantle, and the side that could be in doubt might be Collingwood, who play the West Coast, Hawthorne and Brisbane. 10:33 Yep. So Collingwood could lose two of those. Yes. 10:37 They'll win one of them. But like I said, Carlton could win two of those, but they could lose all three. 10:47 Or they could win all three, Duck, having just beaten Brisbane. 10:50 Well, they just beat Brisbane. I don't think they'll beat Fremantle, but they've given themselves a chance, as have Collingwood. 11:00 So my point is, Michael Voss, who is a marvellous man, a very good man, and you don't have to say what sort of footballer he was, but he should not ever get another coaching job, Duck. What would he hang his hat on? He coached... 11:24 Well, it's hard to argue that since his departure, they've responded in a manner of which has been quite remarkable. Now, it's whether... So, clearly, his message or motivation didn't work on the current crop, and whatever Josh Frazier's doing is working. So... 11:54 You know, people would form that opinion. The other side of it is he had the cattle there, what he put in place, that certainly has maybe helped, but for whatever reason, his message didn't get through to the players. And unfortunately, some of it has to land on the players, given that they've responded, but some has to land back on the coach as well. 12:18 Of course it lands on the players, but you've got to get people to play for you, not in spite of you. And I don't think he had great success in Brisbane either. I might be wrong there. 12:28 The remarkable thing, the thing about that, Sam, is that all the assistants... Yes? Yes. 12:39 So all the assistants that Voss had are still there. So the fact that, I don't know why the message wouldn't have got through as it is now, but nine and two, just unbelievable from Josh Fraser. 12:54 It could be one of the Cinderella stories of all time. If they get into the 10, 10, I didn't even understand how that 10 worked. But anyhow, so that's good. Now, I want to ask you this. I want this as an opinion of yours. I want because this is what you're good at. 13:15 If our game had been played like it is today, when the VFL started and became the AFL maybe 100 years ago, with the competitiveness, the brutality, the umpiring, the different rules... the different grounds, the different personalities, the different style of play, the different execution of the skills. Do you think it would be the number one sport in Australia today if it was played like it is today all those years ago? Do you think people would have gravitated to it? 13:48 Well... 13:53 Obviously, a hypothetical, I would say no. I don't think that it's the spectacle that it once was. It's a very different spectacle to what it once was. 14:03 And what I am noticing, and it all comes back to how the game's covered, but some of the outlantic statements that... 14:13 that you know ex-players are making they're saying that young nick watson could be the greatest small fall the game has ever seen because he might kick 60 or 70 goals or whatever he's gonna like i the game's a very different game it's umpired very differently they get free kicks for for uh pulling someone's hair on someone's leg uh let alone chopping chopping of an arm so Just stop comparing eras gone by and small forwards. 14:44 By the way, Lee Matthews kicked 900 goals as a resting small forward, as did Kevin Bartlett. So I'm not sure Nick Watson is in any of their leagues, but let's not compare. 14:56 Let's not compare eras because it's just ridiculous. It's not the same game. I know these ex-players have to make big statements to get paid, I guess, but I just find it very, very amusing that they're comparing him to some of the, you know, even the likes of You know, Jeff Farmer and Winston Abraham. I mean, you know, if those guys were playing now, don't worry about the 60 goals. 15:27 They'd be kicking 90. 15:31 Just who is Nick Watson? 15:35 He's a very... Well, he's a very small forward. 15:43 For whom? For Hawthorne. 15:45 I see. And they've... Yep. 15:51 He's not the wizard, is he? 15:53 Yes, he's the wizard. And don't get me wrong. It's not his fault. It's not his fault. He's having a very good year. It's not his fault that they're comparing him to players that have gone before him. But I just think that he's not comparable. They're not comparing apples with apples. 16:15 No, they certainly aren't. Where's my man Keziah Pickett gone? 16:22 Yes, he's still floating. Yes, he's had a pretty good year. He's had a pretty good year. 16:30 Max Gorn, by the way, I got Melbourne wrong. I think they'll definitely play finals, Sam, Melbourne. And Carlton look like, well, if Carlton make it, then I've got two wrong. But I think I got the rest right. 16:46 Yes. I'll just remind you of who you said wouldn't make the finals. If I can't find it, I can't find it. Oh, yes, I can. I can find it here. These are the people you said wouldn't make the finals. 17:01 Yes, duck, just a minute. I've got sheets of paper coming at me. I can't find it. I want your tips just while I'm looking for that. Yes. I'll tell you who you said. Fuck me. Where's the fucking thing? Just a minute, duck. This is who you said wouldn't make the finals. 17:24 Jesus. I know who I said. 17:27 I've only got two long. 17:30 yeah all the usual suspects well collingwood make the phone i haven't got what's that i haven't got two wrong yet i've said i've said melbourne definitely i said melbourne wouldn't and carlton wouldn't um and i might still be right but melbourne's i'll be wrong with melbourne that'll be the one 17:52 Okay, well, I don't know why I can't find that. I want to, well, just while we're doing this, in case it drops out, because I want your tips, because you got them all right last week, except you didn't pick Carlton to beat Brisbane. 18:08 No, I didn't. I definitely got that one wrong. 18:13 And you said that the man, Josh, the man from Carlton is going to coach them, did you? 18:23 I think Josh Fraser will coach Carlton. I think he'll get the job, yep. 18:29 What, because no one else has applied or because they just, it's too hard to not... No, people have applied. 18:34 No, no, people, you just can't ignore what he's done. 18:41 Well, he's done it. He's done it. He's done it just... 18:46 He's done it. 18:48 He has done it in spite of himself. He's saying he doesn't want to coach. 18:55 Yeah, well, he's changing his mind on that, I believe. So he's putting his hat into the ring. 19:03 We'll find out in the next week. By the next time I speak to you, we'll know. 19:08 Who else is in the ring? 19:11 Oh, there's a few assistants. 19:15 Gian Siracusa, Kelly. 19:20 Yeah, there's a few. Graham. There's a few different, there's four or five assistants. 19:26 If you were at North Melbourne and had to replace Alistair Clarkson, who would you be suggesting should take over? 19:34 Johnny Longmire. 19:37 Would you? 19:39 Yeah. 19:42 Five grand finals, ex-North Melbourne champion, five grand finals. Sydney, great culture, great administrators in Richard Collis. He just knew what it took to be a great club and was there right throughout the Paul Roos era, right throughout his own era. 20:06 So then to come back to where his career started at North Melbourne, Coleman medallist in 1990, just a super, super player, super bloke, and has got an unbelievable CV in terms of coaching. So if Alistair Clarkson wasn't to coach North Melbourne, I would like John Longmire to be the coach. 20:30 So with those great statistics and tremendous build up for John Longmire, you would be surprised that he was overlooked for the Tasmanian job. 20:42 Yes, I touched on this though last week and that is I think the Tasmanian job was going to require a lot more work off the ground as well as being the coach. And I think Ken Hinckley is the right man to do all of that in the promotion of that great state. So I think that's probably why they went with Hinckley over Longmire. 21:09 So they were going to forego success on the ground for cohesion off the ground, Duck, you reckon? 21:15 Well, cohesion off the ground and uniting a state that does have a little bit of friction. 21:24 So I, and, and just, yeah, just generally, uh, startup club with Ken Hinckley had the experience of all of that. So I think that, um, that's why probably they went with him, but John Longmire for me, if, if, uh, Alistair Clarkson wasn't to be the coach, I think John Longlier would be the perfect replacement. 21:46 So that's an interesting theory. 21:49 Ken Inkley could combine the north of Tasmania and the south and get them all to follow the devils who won't win a game, but shit, we're all united in the fact that we're going along to get them beaten every week, but everyone's on board because we're all together. 22:09 Well, unfortunately, Sam, I think they're going to be more competitive than what the other new clubs have been more quickly, because I think the experience of starting those clubs, it's paramount. So I think he'll have that experience. I think the AFL, along with Tassie, Brendan Gale, I think they'll make a good account of themselves very quickly. 22:38 Here's a question I want to ask you. 22:40 I want your opinion on this, Charlie. Just quickly, Sam. 22:46 Just quickly, what you forget. I just want to make a comparison. 22:51 The reason why I think Tassie will be a little quicker than the likes of GWS and the Gold Coast is because Tassie is a football state. 23:01 And I think they will get it right, just like the Adelaide Crows got it right. They won a premiership within forming, after forming, I think it was seven years, 97, they formed in 91. 23:14 They won a premiership. And I think West Coast, who formed in 87, won a premiership in 92. So those two football states formed Very, very good teams very, very quickly. I know they're bigger states than Tasmania, but I think that Tassie could do something similar to what South Australia and Western Australia did with those two particular franchise clubs. 23:44 Very good, Duck. So if the people from the north and south of Tasmania can just stick together for seven years and hopefully win a game or two between, they might have some success in seven years. And then they might lift their coffers up and buy the number one player in the competition, young Nick the Wizard, and have him come down and kick 80-odd goals and kick them into a grand final game. Anything could happen, Duck. The possibilities are endless. 24:17 I love that he said the best player in the comps, Nick, Nick, Nick, the wizard. Well, Nick Watson is one of the best small forwards in the comp at the moment, and Nick Dacos is probably one of the best midfielders in the comp. So two Knicks. If they got the two Knicks, they would be very competitive very quickly. 24:39 Are either of those two players over five foot? 24:44 Yes, Nick Dacos is. 24:48 Is he? 24:49 What, the wizard's not? 24:52 Oh, no, they're both. No, Nick Dacos would be five. I don't know how tall he is. Are you allowed to say their height these days? I don't know. No, Nick Watson is only 100. 25:03 You're allowed to say the height and the weight of the AFL players. You're not allowed to say the height and weight of the awful players. 25:11 Yeah, no, I think that I don't know their heights, but they cost us taller than Watson. There you go. 25:22 I bet you'd love to run onto the ground and have the man pick you up. And mind you, you played on the same forward line as the wizard. 25:31 Him come and pick you up when you went onto the ground and he saw him walking towards you. He said, don't tell me this man's playing on me. This could be a world shattering performance I put in today. 25:45 Very good. 25:47 Give me the game. 25:48 Have you heard of Charlie Charlie? Jim. An Australian woman golfer. 25:55 I'll call you back in two minutes, Jim. 26:00 Thanks, buddy. 26:04 That was a very important call, Sam. 26:06 Of course it was. 26:07 Why wouldn't it be important to interrupt this brilliant dude? 26:12 Yes, she's a woman golfer, lady golfer. Do you know the prank she played on her caddy? 26:24 No. 26:26 Well, she rigged up a, just as a joke, she rigged up a winning tats lotto or lotto entry where she won hundreds of thousands of dollars, maybe a million, I don't know. And she said to her caddy, whose name is Adam... 26:46 Woodward, Woodward, said, Adam, I've just won the lottery. I'm going to give you $100,000 to build a house or go on holidays. And he did handsprings and thought, wow, wow. And it turned out to be a practical joke. If someone played a practical joke on you and you thought you were going to get $100,000 and the heart rate had gone up and you'd rung home and you'd said, Jesus, pack the bags, Dale, where are we going? and he said, we're not going anywhere, be out by the time I get home. 27:18 No, that's a joke. How would you handle that if someone played a practical joke on you like that? 27:30 I'd probably laugh, to be honest, unless I'd gone out and already spent it and realised I didn't have it. 27:40 Yes. 27:41 Well, not Charlie Hull I'm talking about, but if a bloke had done that to me, I'd smack him in the mouth. 27:49 No, that's quite a funny joke. You'd probably be advised to look at the ticket, have the money in the bank before you spend it. 28:01 Oh, fuck. 28:03 If your boss or your partner or your person you're catting for says, we've won money and I'm giving you $100,000 and he gets on the phone and says, he's married or I don't know if he goes out with a bloke or a woman or anywhere. Yeah, you wouldn't be. I'm trying to be, you wouldn't be happy. 28:23 Wouldn't be happy? 28:25 Jesus, the police would be investigating a homicide. 28:31 You fucking wouldn't be happy. All right, now, I noticed... What are the games? 28:40 Yep. 28:41 I just wanted to throw this in. 28:45 What's the bloke who flew around the Australian helicopter? You know, the... Jesus. You know, Dick Smith. 28:55 Dick Smith said... Yes. 28:58 You know Australians aren't allowed to swim in Lake Eyre. 29:02 Certain Australians are. 98% of the population is not allowed to swim in lake air, but other people can. 29:11 This was my point about Australia. Australia is 7.5 million square kilometres or square miles in area. 29:23 It is impossible to say that every square inch of this country is a sacred burial site and you can't dig it up. That is just how we're being taken for a ride over this nonsense. And why can't you swim in lake air? Some can, but the majority can't. That's what Dick Smith says. 29:42 There might be leeches in there. 29:46 Yeah, the leeches are the people taking the money from us. 29:49 Now, here's the tip, Stuck. 29:53 You did well last week. People hang on these. How's your people, friends going from Mount Gambier? Are they winning any money on your tips? 30:01 Matty and Marty, actually, I'm going to call them after I get off this line to you, actually. 30:08 Tell them I said hello. I will. Tell them I said hello. 30:15 They've got a plastering business, haven't they? 30:18 And a cheerio to Ralph and the brothers. The Ralph brothers from Ralph's Meats at the South Melbourne market who are great listeners and they love you and they love listening to us. And I wish they had a franchise over here because I haven't had a decent feed. 30:40 I'm going to make that call and I'll send you a text message. Come on, give me the tips. 30:48 Righto. First name sides at home. Western Bulldogs in North Melbourne. 30:57 Yep. Bulldogs. 31:01 Lions and Hawthorne. Ooh. 31:06 Ooh. 31:06 Lions at home. 31:08 Brisbane, that is. Yep. 31:11 Melbourne and Fremantle. 31:14 Oh, that's at the MCG. I'm going to go with Frio. 31:17 I'm going to go with Frio. 31:23 Sydney, Swans and Port Adelaide. 31:27 Sydney. 31:30 Geelong and Essendon. 31:33 Geelong. 31:35 Oh, really? 31:36 Greater West Sydney and the Gold Coast Suns. Are the Gold Coast Suns going to finish last, are they? 31:45 No, I'm going to pick Gold Coast this week. 31:48 The Gold Coast to beat the Greater West Sydney? 31:52 Yep. 31:54 And it's at Greater West Sydney? 31:56 Yep. 31:58 West Coast and Collingwood? 32:01 Collingwood. 32:03 Now, Duck, can they keep it going, St Kilda and Carlton? 32:12 Oh, tough game. I... 32:16 I reckon they'll make it tough. Silvani injured his shoulder. It's only because of that injury that I reckon Carlton might get the job done. 32:27 Ah, so one player out and that's the end of them, eh? 32:30 Silvani's been very solid down back. 32:33 Very solid. 32:36 Wow. Well, they'll have to keep the ball away from him. Well, Duck, it's been enlightening again. You've been a star. We've got through this. 32:45 I'm going to ring up and say, I'm going to ring up Matty and Marty after this, and I'll send you a text message. And when you said Ralph before, you said Ralph, I thought he won't be listening, but you meant Ralph Meats. 33:02 All right. Ralph who? 33:05 Who's Ralph? 33:08 See you. 33:09 All right. See you, Doc. Thank you.